a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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