At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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