just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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