no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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