All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize