i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
