Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize