I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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