Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
