laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
