____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
