I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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