At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
