You really coming over, don't trick.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
