he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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