so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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