I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Boobs are out for the taking
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
