This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
