cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
