went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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