I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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