Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
