I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
