I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
