so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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