you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
