I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
