From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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