There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
