she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
