If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
