do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
