I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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