just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
