Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
