if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
