are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
