I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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