Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need a burrito and a hug.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
