WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
