yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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