I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
