I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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