I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I could fuck to npr.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
