I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
