I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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