My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
