Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
