just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
