I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
