I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize