Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i dont even know how to be here
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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