dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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