youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dear god my vagina.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
