had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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