I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
