I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize