Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
