I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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