I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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