my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
