apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
