twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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