worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
