May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
