I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
