I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
