When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
