he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
