That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
