You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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