So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
